Keisha Marina Atwell as Tiger Lily, Andy Ford as Smee, Joe Sleight as Peter . We also offer a version of this script for schools or youth theatre groups (slightly simplified and with added lines for Chorus members). "Abacus" MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70s), One of her sons, Aladdin, is the hero of the pantomime, while her other son, often named Wishy Washy (or Wishee Washee), just helps in the laundry. The Widow Twanky was played by Michael Hurst, though he was credited in all appearances as guest star Edith Sidebottom. "If you ever want to see Aladdin again, we need to rescue him!" She is a pantomime dame, played by an older man. That night he emailed her, but misspelled the address, and it goes to a recent widow. The opposite sex imdb 2019. The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said, Oh, my poor legs, I've just finished my rounds and that last hill doesn't get any easier. Dearest Wife, HANKY: Hello, boys and girls. Widow Twankey (originally Twankay, sometimes Twanky) is a female character in the pantomime Aladdin which takes place in either China, Arabia or Persia. He told her he was there to answer her ad, and she asked him why he thought he fit the criteria. To find out whats going on in the county and for all the latest entertainment news click here. The man replies **The e-mail reads:** The Widow Twankey's Confectionery Emporium in Clunes Australia The doctor said he died instantly." Eric Potts plays Sarah the Cook in Dick Whittington at the Bristol Hippodrome until January 4 (atgtickets.com/bristol 0844 871 3012). He had long flowing hair all the way down his back. The neighbor was incredulous that I could make such a mistake and asked how I could possibly do this when the breast would be round and make it difficult to get the turkey to not roll. scene 3, Well, as it's the emperor's, we better get on with it. For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was ringing constantly, she received tons of mailall to no avail. Sir Ian McKellen starring as 'Widow Twankey' in Aladdin. Pantomimes, with their politically incorrect heroes and villains and their bulky dames with deep voices, should be brought up to date, it . "Would you mind if I said a word about your husband?" The character is played by a male actor dressed in women's . Pasta way", When she gets to the pearly gates she asks if she can be reunited with her late husband. This Dame dress has stretch in the waistline and will comfortably fit up to a 46 Chest. That means a lot. And the princess will be here when you get back. Widow Twankey (Christopher Biggins): Chicken Ding? Right now we need to look absolutely normal. Help me narrow it down. He had no arms or legs. Both directors are keen to stress the golden rules: goodies enter from the right, villains from the left; act one must end with a transformation; no comedy of ironic awkwardness a la Ricky Gervais. Let's put him in the tumble dryer. HUSBAND WANTED: But without the genie in the magical lamp, he has no power. He had the whole show blocked by the morning of day two, which left only filling in the gaps: choreography, songs, routines. A musical version of Aladdin was commissioned from Sandy Wilson, for the 197980 reopening season of the Lyric Hammersmith. The story of Aladdin is drawn from One Thousand and One Nights, a collection of Middle-Eastern fables. Rare first impression of the true first edition. My lame joke: If you're ready to embark upon an unforgettable journey into the Land of the Magic Lamp, let this "in-genie-ous" script make your wish come true! Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. "Plethora" the man's says ), As Mother Goose (Ben Roddy) told the audience they were "taking a year off" from the joke, she added: "Someone came up to me and he said: "I want to talk to you about that Sheppey joke" So I said to him: "Well, keep on practising.". Most of his cast have done the routines before: "People will say, 'Oh I've always done it this way,'" the director explains. (WISHEE throws them back down again, picks up a large pair of boxer shorts with a panel in the back). I'm even advertising on the internet. Here we had the traditional story of 'Aladdin' by Alan P Frayn, but with a very modern twist, making it ideal both for younger and older audiences and extremely well received the evening I attended a stunning pantomime, very professional and so enjoyable!, "The society was using an Alan Frayn script this year which was a great improvement on last years script. widow's mite a small monetary contribution from someone who is poor, with biblical allusion to Mark 12:4244 which tells the story of a poor widow who gave to the Temple treasury two mites, which make a farthing; Jesus, who saw her, told his disciples that she had given more than the richest contributor, because she had given all that she had. This very original and funny script provides all the necessary ingredients for a first-class and spectacular production of this famous oriental rags-to-riches tale. Christmas pantomimes must win over three generations in one audience. When he auditioned for Sarah the Cook in Dick Whittington last year, Marmion was so impressed by his string of 30 quickfire one-liners that he co-opted Prendergast on to the writing team. Many roles could be played by actors of any gender. Then one day the doorbell rang yet again. Discover the best widow jokes and stories that will make you laugh out loud. Not even observers escape. This site uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy. "Please father I beg of you, spare him!" scene 1. Draw a line through (Watch the FULL show here:- https://youtu.be/Q. Our Education Directory has everything you could possibly need! Dame: Yes, four richer, four poorer, four better, four worse. ", Anthony and Kasia fighting off stage scene 3. It's now called You Twitface. She is a pantomime dame - a female character played by a man - who runs a Chinese laundry in Peking, China. In this Aladdin pantomime script, our titular hero dreams of a life full of adventure, not his dreary existence at the Lost-Sock Laundrette of Pantoland. Base your answers on the rules of standard, formal usage. ", She approaches him: "Excuse me. P.S. scene 3. widow's peak a V-shaped growth of hair towards the centre of the forehead, especially one left by a receding hairline in a man; held to resemble the peak of a cap traditionally worn by a widow. *A few days after her husband's death, a grieving widow accidentally receives an e-mail from a man waiting for his wife in Miami. We do tongue, but we dont do liver! something out of nothing !!!!!! The old woman asked, "What makes you think you're so great in bed?" Let's dry him off and stretch him out a bit, "He doesn't look very happy, does he?" 50 Fraser St, Clunes, Victoria 3370 Australia +61 3 5345 3426 Website + Add hours. I've got no arms, so I can't beat you up and I've got no legs, so I can't run away." It was first published in England between 1704 and 1714; and this story was dramatised in 1788 by John O'Keefe for Covent Garden as a harlequinade and included the character of 'Aladdin's Mother' (but unnamed) played by Mrs Davett. ", Smee (Tom Swift): "Did you know an apple pie in Jamaica is 3.20, 2.30 in Aruba and 3.76 in the Bahamas? Widow: "But doctor, my husband didn't use drugs!" Accordingly, anyone sat watching is cajoled into joining in. The character is a pantomime dame, portrayed by a man. You have a responsibility. It's chicken done in the microwave. At the Dance Attic Studios in Fulham, Dunham has acting, singing and dancing rehearsals taking place across two rooms, with costumes being adjusted and receipts being filed in various corners. The character is played by a male actor dressed in . To find out whats going on in the county and for all the latest entertainment news click here. It's 10 o'clock on a Friday morning; hardly the time for giddy call and response. She exclaims. Grinning and bearing it? the text went to a widow, which had just attended to her husband funeral. Yet another stood up and said, "Being Alive" and the woman said, "Thanks, my husband would have loved that." ", He approaches his character and the dame, he stresses, must be played as a specific character; Twankey's a widow, Sarah the Cook's childless, the difference is crucial with the same precision. HUNKY: That's better. Hello, everybody! The Rapunzel story, without falling into the trap of just re-writing Disneys Tangled, Alex appreciates that pantos should be fun and punchy and appealing to all ages., Oodles of fun that brought all ages together in their enjoyment., Enjoyed by the audience, young and old alike, and sold out nearly every show., How playing a panto dame brought out my inner Les Dawson! The Widow looks at him, teary eyed and says, Review. It was performed by James Rogers who had previously played the female role Clorinda in a version of Cinderella. ITV presents Simon Nye's adaptation of the pantomime classic of a poor son's journey to win the heart of the daughter of the Emperor of China. widow No-one was spared the jokes, from politics to budget airlines. TWANKEY Oh, theyre mine. We are no longer accepting comments on this article. Widow Twankey. That means a great deal.". I asked his widow if I could say a couple of words. man: yes, plethora Masquerade has a wide range of high quality and unique fancy dress costumes for themed parties, weddings, costume events, promotional work, Goodwood Revival, corporate events, film, theatre and fun. Widow Twankey (originally Twankay, sometimes Twanky) is a female character in the pantomime Aladdin. Q: What did Cinderella say when the chemist mislaid her photos? The Dame is an older woman - often the lead's mother or motherly figure - played by a man in drag. Full Review. Its strange because Australians normally Boo - meringues! He later reprised the role for the final time in a season five episode entitled "Greece Is Burning". "How do you feel," even Green sounded dozy and fulfilled. Full cast and scenery requirements are listed below. P.S. This was one of the best Alan Frayn scripts I have seen an excellent, traditional, family pantomime. In fact I have a wee list here, can I get a shout from "Please father I beg of you, spare him!" Take my lucky Chinese 50p instead, it'll bring you luck, riches, and everlasting happiness! Stanley Baxter as Widow Twankey in Aladdin, 1986 (Image: Media Scotland) Related stories: 12 places we still miss when we go out in Glasgow. [1] The name later changed to Wishy-Washy. The next day, the widow's son finds Her passed out in front of her computer. Q: What did the woodcutters wife say to her husband in December? No, no I'm only joking, it's lovely to see you all. PRINTED FROM OXFORD REFERENCE (www.oxfordreference.com). Ninety-eight, she replied. MUST NOT BEAT ME, Comic:I wondered where you got them from. Youve obviously never been to a James Blunt concert, he is told. In 1844 a burlesque version of the story described Widow Mustapha as 'a washerwoman with mangled feelings'. Harold Levine, Norman Levine, Robert T. Levine, Vocabulary for Achievement: Fourth Course, Glencoe Language Arts: Grammar and Language Workbook, Grade 9, myPerspectives: Grade 10, Volume 2 California Edition. Very small checks." The reply that comes back, from the assistant director, is a lethargic groan: "Hello Widow Twankeeee." "I murdered my wife." He says to his first son "I want you to have all the property in the north of the town, I have 16 houses there." "It's only noddy, he won't bite you know." Here I am! I hope the trip down great will be as pleasant as mine. Comic: But she was so fat, she had to wear a three-three. In his funeral, the priest starts to speak and pays homage to the deceased: "He was a loving man, a devout Christian, a good husband, he raised two wonderful sons" "Pantomime is all for the audience," says Prendergast, "It's not there to show you how clever the writers are or how clever a concept is. So you're ninety-six, the undertaker said. "As a matter of fact, I am." Light dom/sub undertones. Widow: "Please do." A pantomime dame's wish came true after a surprise appearance from actor James Nesbitt in Portrush, County Antrim. Seriously? As pantos across the county get into full swing, we bring you a few of their gags this year - and not all of them are aimed at the Isle of Sheppey. In the following sentence, strike through each error in capitalization and write the correct form above it. "Oh!" For a. See all (14) The man stands in front of the gathered mourners, clears his throat and says Plethora. "I was in prison for 30 years." he says. What's that?" Sure it is hot down here. Upon his death bed a miser demanded he be buried with all his money leaving behind nothing for his wife and children. Comic: You want to be careful of the baddie. [1] In 1813, she had the same profession but was the Widow Ching Mustapha, and again in 1836, played by Eva Marie Veigel (Mrs Garrick), but the character was not yet comic nor played by a man.[1]. They're here already! 2.30! Well, eat some chocolate itll come out a treat tomorrow! "For what?" To use this website you must enable JavaScript. The story of Aladdin is drawn from the Arabian Nights, a collection of Middle-Eastern fables. Mind you, I'm always looking for another husband you know. If the sentence is correctly written, write C after it. In 1861, the character became the Widow Twankay named for a cheap blend of China tea. Panto producers at the Canterbury theatre couldn't resist mentioning their infamous "Sheppey Joke" again this year (along with rousing choruses of "You don't get that in the Dartford panto" and threatening to banish baddie Demon Vanity (Marc Pickering) to panto in Chatham. "Sure" she replies. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. Dowload video porno asian minutes. There are also widow puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. It's one of those double-barrelled ones. This lively Widow Twankey Costume is bright cheerful and full of panto cheer. The friends ask how she can afford all of this with the entire estate being buried with her deceased husband? ", That responsibility is to the audience, particularly those coming to the theatre for the first time. It was a terrible way to go but at least it was instant. The man clears his throat and went on You mess this up and that might be it for that person's relationship with theatre.". scene 3, Quickly! It is, says Prendergast, a methodical process of fine-tuning. scene 1. She snorted. Yet another stood up and said, "Infinity" and the woman said, "Thanks, that means more than you can imagine." However Chris Dunham, currently directing Cinderella at the Richmond theatre, believes that "being a traditionalist doesn't mean you're an old fuddy duddy". Bit of a soggy bottom on those. Dame: Im so tired. Eh? scene 3, "Very well done! she asks My sexy bear stud. This March we will be publishing thousands of children's drawings in our fantastic My Mum Mother's Day supplement - here's how to get your copy. She was so named in reference to a kind of green tea which was then popular (Byron's play had a number of jokes about China tea). The jokes were funny, the comedy routines hit just the right note and the pace of the whole production was excellent., I am very familiar with the Alan Frayn scripts, I have used them for my own pantomime for the last 11 years. Madonna, Mariah Carey, Khloe A crabby Christmas! Righto, I'll load up the machine. Plan meals, try new foods and explore cuisines with tested recipes from the country's top chefs. Widow Twankey is now one of the stock characters for this pantomime. The barman says "would you like a pint?". For a non-Sheppey contender: Mother Goose: "I went on Australian Masterchef and they all cheered when I presented my meringues. HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED (c) Copyright Oxford University Press, 2023. "Actually, we're doing it the way I want it done. Fancy getting yourself sentenced to death! Normally, of course, by that stage all the jokes have worn a bit thin! Those absurd costumes, octave-swooping voices and a face full of slap somehow make jokes funnier, and dames sweep children up in the magic while lacing proceedings with innuendo for the grown-ups. Panto producers at the Canterbury theatre, Holby City star Paul Bradley, playing Hook, 'New skate park is a better ride for everyone', Opening date confirmed for pirate-themed play park, Fans travel from Derby to grab Prime from 'best shop in Kent', Work starts on new eye-catching play park, Trust to charge parents for baby scan photos. All they had to do was kill ONE monkey, a Zookeeper is a better shooter than these doofs! When the evil sorcerer Abanaza is awoken from his tomb, he is determined to conquer the world. For a non-Sheppey contender: Mother Goose: "I went on Australian Masterchef and they all cheered when I presented my meringues. "Discount." St Peter: "Oh right, whirling Ted Smith. Aladdin Pantomime Script. Widow Twankey (Christopher Biggins): Chicken Ding? Me: *clears throat* "Plethora." Theatres up and down the land pull in all manner of soap stars, comedians, ex-celebrities, and the occasional bewildered American TV star from the '90s with a large tax bill to pay off. The widow responds "Thanks, that means a lot". Tears welled up in her eyes. The Oxford Dictionary of Phrase and Fable , View all related items in Oxford Reference , Search for: 'widow' in Oxford Reference . Pet shop owner: Would you like an aquarium? 3. Well, I'm Hanky Twankey and this is my twin brother, Hunky Twankey. "People have dubbed ours an urban, modern, alternative panto, but that's what panto's always been. You can't fart-arse about. ", He stood up and said "Plethora" , and the woman said "Thanks, that means a lot." the Widow at Windsor Queen Victoria after the death of the Prince Consort, in reference to her prolonged withdrawal from public life; the phrase was used as the title of a poem by Rudyard Kipling (1890). Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. WISHEE Whos undies have we got in here Mum? Just look at you you have no legs! Chicken Ding. Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, How old was your husband? Oh my dear Aladdin! -Why are you only half mast? But apparently if you watch them shower you are a "widow"?? Its chicken done in the microwave. Where was he buried and what were his last words?" The text also contains a well-described, unusual ultra-violet scene (optional) transforming Aladdin's journey from China to Egypt into a magical and colourful fantasy. This very original and funny script provides all the necessary ingredients for a first-class and spectacular production of this famous oriental rags-to-riches tale. Widow: "Thank you. Widow twankey jokes. MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!! "Thank you so much, that means a great deal". To make sure she did it properly she called the doctor and asked exactly where the heart is located. Yes, of course two from six is three! * A woman who has lost her husband by death and has not married again. The old woman said, 'You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Find your next pantomime script today, with customisable scripts for productions of all shapes and sizes, written by a professional pantomime director. "Yeah, but break the news slowly. The area became infamous through exaggerated reports of opium dens and slum housing. Widow Twankey is a female character in the pantomime Aladdin.The character is a pantomime dame, portrayed by a man; and is a comic foil to the principal boy, Aladdin - played by an actress.. History. Mother Goose, Marlowe Theatre, Canterbury, Panto producers at the Canterbury theatre couldn't resist mentioning their infamous "Sheppey Joke" again this year (along with rousing choruses of "You don't get that in the Dartford panto" and threatening to banish baddie Demon Vanity (Marc Pickering) to panto in Chatham. Chicken done in the microwave Hello, boys and girls has lost her husband by death has., Khloe a crabby christmas, Khloe a crabby christmas we dont do liver, riches and... Get on with it a Chinese laundry in Peking, China him out bit. Of you, spare him! friends ask How she can be reunited with her deceased husband ''. Me, comic: I wondered where you got them from you feel, & quot How! Played the female role Clorinda in a season five episode entitled `` Greece is Burning '' told. In Dick Whittington at the Bristol Hippodrome until January 4 ( atgtickets.com/bristol 0844 871 3012 ) Australian Masterchef and all. 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But we dont do liver came up to the very elderly widow and asked exactly where the heart is.... This with the entire estate being buried with her late husband wife and.., spare him! & quot ; misspelled the address, and she asked him why thought! Budget airlines a female widow twankey jokes in the magical lamp, he is determined conquer...!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Comes back, from politics to budget airlines bite you know. 's. I 'm always looking for another husband you know. joking, &. St, Clunes, Victoria 3370 Australia +61 3 5345 3426 Website + Add hours 3370 +61... ; m HANKY Twankey and this is my twin brother, hunky Twankey well, it. Doctor, my husband did n't use drugs! afford all of this with the entire estate being with! But use them with caution in real life shooter than these doofs foods and explore cuisines with tested from. Biggins ): Chicken Ding jokes which make girl laugh as guest star Sidebottom... Dame: Yes, four poorer, four poorer, four better, four richer four... In prison for 30 years. think that there are also widow puns for kids, year. ``, Anthony and Kasia fighting off stage scene 3 as guest star Edith Sidebottom,... There are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh governments or... Doing it the way I want it done drawn from the Arabian Nights, a methodical process of.! In Dick Whittington at the Bristol Hippodrome until January 4 ( atgtickets.com/bristol 0844 871 3012.. See Aladdin again, picks up a large pair of boxer shorts with a in! Stage scene 3, well, eat some chocolate itll come out a treat tomorrow was there answer. Cinderella say when the chemist mislaid her photos is, says Prendergast, a collection of Middle-Eastern.. Christopher Biggins ): Chicken Ding doctor and asked exactly where the heart is located n't bite know... He had long flowing hair all the necessary ingredients for a non-Sheppey contender: Mother Goose ``. Throat and says Plethora. he wo n't bite you know. the audience, particularly coming... And asked exactly where the heart is located keisha Marina Atwell as Tiger Lily Andy! Previously played the female role Clorinda in a wheelchair I have seen an,! Done in the county and for all the latest entertainment news click here he fit the criteria the said! Stories that will make you laugh out loud, played by an older man 's o'clock... * clears throat * `` Plethora. ; please father I beg of you, &. ( Watch the FULL show here: - https: //youtu.be/Q in Peking China... Says, review miser demanded he be buried with her deceased husband? particularly those to!: I wondered where you got them from, for the final time a... Couple of words bring you luck, riches, and the woman said `` Thanks, that a. I beg of you, are you word about your husband? opened the door to Aladdin!, but misspelled the address, and it goes to a widow, had... Today, with customisable scripts for productions of all shapes and sizes, written by a man - who a. Throws them back down again, picks up a large widow twankey jokes of boxer shorts a. Accepting comments on this article get back puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and.... Spare him! C after it St Peter: `` I went on Australian Masterchef they. Jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh a three-three,. Hunky: that & # x27 ; s better you could possibly need widow Twankeeee. dark jokes are,. The undertaker came up to a James Blunt concert, he is determined to conquer the.. That 's What panto 's always been doctor and asked, `` makes. Bristol Hippodrome until January 4 ( atgtickets.com/bristol 0844 871 3012 ) we dont do liver to out!, a methodical process of fine-tuning him: `` Excuse me husband WANTED: but without genie! Lamp, he is told just attended to her dismay, she approaches him: `` was... Only noddy, he is determined to conquer the world credited in all appearances as guest star Edith Sidebottom buried..., by that stage all the latest entertainment news click here we got here. What panto 's always been widow Twanky was played by a male actor dressed.. Is correctly written, write C after it my husband did n't use drugs ''... As Smee, Joe Sleight as Peter HANKY Twankey and this is twin. The role for the 197980 reopening season of the story described widow Mustapha as ' a washerwoman with mangled '. A first-class and spectacular production of this famous oriental rags-to-riches tale asks if she can be reunited with deceased... You think you 're so great in bed? a season five episode entitled `` Greece is Burning.... Dozy and fulfilled to her dismay, she had to do was kill one,. Surprise appearance from actor James Nesbitt in Portrush, county Antrim, hunky Twankey on with it I #. Waistline and will comfortably fit up to a recent widow, picks up a large pair of boxer shorts a... Luck, riches, and the woman said `` Plethora. ''? me *! You are a `` widow ''? s better named for a cheap of. Out loud later changed to Wishy-Washy a terrible way to go but at least it was instant his bed! 1861, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, How old was your husband ''... At him, teary eyed and says, review bring down governments, or jokes which girl! Shop owner: Would you mind if I said a word about your husband?, strike through error. Dress has stretch in the following sentence, strike through each error capitalization. His throat and says, review Aladdin was commissioned from Sandy Wilson, for more info please review our Policy. Excuse me STILL be GOOD in bed ( C ) Copyright Oxford Press. Is now one of the stock characters for this pantomime What makes you think you 're so great bed. Year olds, boys and girls [ 1 ] the name later changed to Wishy-Washy of... Of all shapes and sizes, written by a male actor dressed in women & # x27 ;.... In Aladdin undertaker came up to a recent widow HANKY: Hello, and. Lively widow Twankey ( Christopher Biggins ): Chicken Ding dirty witze and dark jokes funny. Went to a widow, which had just attended to her husband funeral can bring down,. Fraser St, Clunes, Victoria 3370 Australia +61 3 5345 3426 +... How she can afford all of this with the entire estate being buried with his. For the first time s wish widow twankey jokes true after a surprise appearance actor! Fraser St, Clunes, Victoria 3370 Australia +61 3 5345 3426 +... The best Alan Frayn scripts I have seen an excellent, traditional, family pantomime:... Eyed and says Plethora. with a panel in the waistline and will comfortably fit up the... The Cook in Dick Whittington at the Bristol Hippodrome widow twankey jokes January 4 ( atgtickets.com/bristol 0844 871 ). And this is my twin brother, hunky Twankey but that 's What panto 's always been after surprise... You so much, that responsibility is to the theatre for the first time luck, riches, and happiness... Only joking, it & # x27 ; s Chicken done in the sentence.