Your relationship is about you and your partner, not your family or friends. MTg2ZDZkMjEzN2M3MWEzYzdlMWUzMjUyMmZlNTQ1NWQ4NDQ1YjQ2ODY1YTVk I am not sure what the next step is, but I know that this relationship has changed for me, and its time to move on, even if he doesnt want me in his life anymore. Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window), Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window). Ultimatums box them in and force them to say and do things they dont like and arent emotionally ready for. 226K views, 329 likes, 168 loves, 7 comments, 11 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from My Story Animated MSA: I can't be sure about his reasons but anyway don't try to push him, just let it go and focus on having a good relationship. We are thinking of buying a house together but while house shopping I realized how much he cares about his family's opinion. alsoooooo keep in mind, we havent been doing the best lately, fighting & just not getting along or agreeing on a lot of things which has caused tension between us. You might feel like you're always coming in second place and that his family is more important to him than you are. Number 1, you two shouldn't be living together and you expect to marry her like this. Copyright 2023 - SmartRelationshipTips.Com | All Rights Reserved. Your boyfriend is basically letting his mother control him and making him seem incapable of . (I had to wait for a way down the road. She terminated the relationship for you because you werent happy with a man who hasnt got his priorities straight. I realize it's not the same, and his family are still his family no matter what. Either there is a separation or there is no relationship. I see a future with him but now I dont know how to feel or what to do. Obviously I want time with just us two but for some reason that I dont know of, he gets a bit mad or hes annoyed that I want time with just us two, which makes me feel like shit and I dont know how to respond but I just react in a way that I shouldnt do such as, Ill start an argument or just not talk to him. My friends have pretty mixed opinions about it, so I'm looking for an unbiased opinion here! I cant imagine what it would be like to know your child was going to die. I feel that I'm never going to be a priority and my opinion will always come 2nd to his family. But in our everyday life, this important factor of life is being jeopardized due to distress, tension, depression, work load, mental health, stress, and many other issues. It's a long-distance relationship, but we've made it work. He gives her life purpose as he indirectly motivates her to perform her motherly duties and allows her to feel fulfilled. You need to set boundries. he is mexican & has a very large traditional family, meaning theyre always getting together in large groups for birthdays, holidays, everything. & makes me feel that we need time together more than ever. I feel like I come last in his life. Men, generally, promise to be there for their wives, to never leave them alone, to be their protector, and what not. If your boyfriend chooses his mother over you, your boyfriend isnt just agreeing with his mother and listening to her advice. Her role is to be supportive of her sons decisions and encourage him to deal with his mistakes maturely. He's prioritizing her opinion and feelings over yours and doing what she wants him to do. My boyfriend never chooses me over his family but he always says that I'm his top priority and he calls me his future wife. As a result of his upbringing and the beliefs hed developed, he now lacks both the understanding of why boundaries are important as well as the strength to do whats required of him. So anyways to get to the main point is that literally ALLL the time he makes plans with his friends but doesnt go through me first. Be happy that he treats his mother well. Need help with your relationship? He could have at least talked with me about it first before he did anything. He doesnt do anything with me when she is home because he wants to spend all of his time with her so that just leaves no room at all for us. Overall, I try to be understanding. He has yet to even bring up the topic of thanksgiving and I find that to be weird. i did, and I don't regret it. She thinks I hate her because I am not spending it with her? It sounds like the question then becomes: is this something that the author can accept? (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Say that its been on your mind for a long time but that you dont want to pretend it doesnt bother you anymore and that you need to resolve it as quickly as possible. Try to have an open and understanding conversation with your daughter. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Welcome to r/relationship_advice. Its part of the culture to have the closeness with familyto the point for some of exclusivity. We never get to spend Christmas day together as he has to work, and his workplace is near his parents' house so he goes there afterwards. A mother with overprotective tendencies usually doesnt have a lot going on in her life. No one should decide who we can or cant date and how we should treat our partners. You need to build your own family with a guy, not his dad selecting names for kids and having longer daily commute just to see his family. My boyfriend spend the weekend with his ex. Without me of course. I've made my decision to see my gma and relatives, and I guess my relationship will have to take the blow. I HATE the holidays! I have been with my boyfriend for nearly two months. So start the conversation respectfully (not meekly). Danielle. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. My boyfriends daughter is always around, and its like she never leaves. But if our love has no future because his family comes first, then maybe it should never have been in the first place., The answer to that question is obvious. Her weekends are filled with this and she knows it will doom her. But to let their mothers tell them what they can and cant dothats over the top. im super annoyed & hurt. Seems very family oriented and his sister really likes me. My Boyfriend Had To Choose Between His Mom And Me. ODdhMjkyNGYyYWM3MzViNTc5Y2VkYWUwNmNiZGJmNjcxY2FmMjY2NTZhYTE3 If you can't compromisedon't be in a relationship period. That's just my opinion though and I could be wrong. I am the boyfriend in this scenario. am i right for feeling this way? My sister said my mum wasn't keen on becoming a stepmother, but my dad stood with the 3 of them and said "If you want me, you need to accept my children as they are the most important in my life and need me the way children need their parents!" I just want him to choose me but I can't say it because I don't want to be selfish and his family would hate me if I asked their son to choose me over them. He was his mothers puppet and has no intention of cutting the cord any time soon. I've always known how close he is with his family and I really liked that about him. I want my family back getting back mother of child, fiance, I don't like my relationship with the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with. He told me he didnt want to get into it, but maybe my husband can shed some light on, Im going to reach out and see if we can work something out where he doesnt have to choose between his daughter or me because she needs her family too. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts, am I the asshole? The thing that got me mad about my ex was that he chose his daughter over me. He doesnt see anything wrong with it because he doesnt know what a healthy mother-and-son relationship looks like. ODU4NjRjNGIzZTFiMDY2Yjg2Yzk1NTk4MWJjN2E1YzcwZTg3Mjk2MmQzOTlk He said it was just kind of a thing he did every year. Im not going to give up on him because it would make me feel like a failure, and I need all the family that I can get at this point in my life. I want to fix things but hes just so stubborn at times that I just dont bury him with how Im feeling about a certain situation because Im afraid hell take it in a different way. Y2JkY2E2ZjBkYjFiOGI4YzQ5ZjhmYjYyNDMyMGUwNDUwYzg1ZjcxN2E4ODUx He's prioritizing her opinion and feelings over yours and doing what she wants him to do. You either need to except the fact that he is borderline inappropriately enmeshed with his family and get used to it or you need to walk away. Maybe it's time for me to stop blaming myself and move on with my life. You raise kids who lack self-sufficiency and grow up expecting their partners to do things for them that their parents used to. Hes always telling me how his daughter is the most important thing in his life, and Im not happy at all about that because he barely talks to her or says anything nice to her, so it makes me feel like he doesnt care about my feelings either. Guys Get Better With Time: Why Do Breakups Hit Guys Later? Shes an authority figure in his life, so he thinks that if he said no that his mom would unleash her manipulative wrath on him and make him feel unwanted emotions. She is already having problems that obviously she is not ready for. We cant get married because she didntno ring..she didnt get oneno friends she doesnt have anyno guests..she doesnt like guests. Reprinted with permission from the author. "I told my boyfriend I love him, and now I am meeting his child for the first time.". The truth is that even though they are related by blood, for my boyfriend, shes just someone who needs him, and for me, hes all Ill ever need. I don't want my family to feel like I no longer care about them. His family should be making room for you in their lives. You can tell your boyfriend is choosing his mother over you if he spends an unreasonable amount of time with her, talks to her about private relationship matters, listens to her advice, says and does what she wants, invites her to stay over a lot, and lets her influence his feelings and opinion of you. It wont be easy for him to decrease his attachment and influence by his mom, but hell need to do that if he wants to have a healthy relationship with you. If you're going to date a Mexican guy with traditional family values the you're going to have to get used to this. Should I just get over it, or does anyone think I have a right to be upset? We are pretty serious. But I did it anyway. The Top 4 Different Types Of Breakups And How To Get Over? And what is required of him is to put his romantic relationships above people who try to meddle with them. So, we, some enthusiastic relationship experts have started this blog to guide you to a healthy relationship. So I am confused as to whats the hold up. Therefore, a mom who meddles with her sons relationship usually: She should be focusing on her own life/relationship, but because some important part of her life is lacking, shes trying to take charge of her sons. He always tells me that we are very different people and never wants us to be close because nothing will change. Ive said that its not fair as all my family are coming including my elderly grandparents. When we fly home, my boyfriend and his mom barely speak to each other. NTU4Y2Q1ZmY4YmRjNmNlNDMxMDI0YjBmM2QxOGUyMjRiNDZlMTgwN2U1ZTQw Then, you guys need to discuss expectations here, as in how far in advance would you be okay with rescheduling plans with him because his family scheduled a thing? Njk0YWU4YjQ4NmYzMjNlN2U5ZjA0YTQwZWIzOWZhYzNlZmJlOTI5MGY5OWM5 I'm so lonely and I feel so abandoned. RELATED: How To Get Him To Notice You (Over Someone Else), According To His Zodiac Sign. Press J to jump to the feed. My boyfriend still considers himself spiritual, but Islam is pretty hardcore and can be somewhat difficult to follow rule by rule. As his wife, you might have often heard that it is your job to make his life easier and not harder. He used to be attentive and loving, but now he loves his daughter more than anything else. What should I do if my boyfriend chooses his family over me? ZWRmNGZjODBmNTBkYmJlOGQ5NWI5ZWJmNGQ0NDVhMGVkODlhYTZiNDVjN2M0 She's definitely missing out. Weve been dating for six years, and thats how long weve known each other. We were so in love, but he chose his daughter over me. You just need to be HAPPY FOR HIM, any negativity towards him and his situation risks putting him down or even pushing him away. This article was originally published at PopSugar. Mumsnet carries some affiliate marketing links, so if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale (more details here). Yesterday, I asked him if he would want to spend New Years Eve together if I planned a get together at my house (I live alone) for a few friends and him. This drives a wedge between them and forces them to take that persons opinion and advice very seriously. Your access to this site was blocked by Wordfence, a security provider, who protects sites from malicious activity. my boyfriend (25m) always chooses his family over me (23f). 2. The result is something ofestrangement from his mom. If your boyfriend is choosing his mom over you, you need to know that hes submitting to his moms will and is afraid of saying no to her. If he chooses to do so respect it and just focus on the good stuff of the relationship. & hes still saying we should go. And it did end up coming down to that one, crucial choice: me. i expressed to him that our relationship should be just as much of a priority as the family. Your boyfriend is enmeshed with his family and values their opinions and approval over yours. If he cant handle healthy boundries then you decide if this is for you. You deserve to be with someone who chooses you! YTIxMmU3YWEwODk5YWQ2YTc3NjAxODk2ZDllZjRmNDA2YTFjMDQ4MjYyNjM3 NTg2ZWU0ZTMzOTc1ZDMzZGVhZDg5MDZjZTAyYmJhYTE4OTY5M2E5MzYwNTgw He doesnt care about what I want in life and always tells me how different we are. Will this continue till we get married and have children? Share your story below. You cant make him choose you over his mom/family because you dont have that kind of power. Our website services, content and products are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. It's impossible not to love my boyfriend. This isnt just unhealthy but also damaging to the relationship. Krieszta Follow Xper 4 Age: 32 We are together fo almost two years. Im not trying to compete for attention, but it seems like hes more interested in his daughter than me., It doesnt help that were having problems, which just makes things worse because when you argue, the first thing out of my mouth is always, why dont you spend time with your own kid instead? And every single time, he tells me that she needs him too because she has no one else right now.. She needs to come tolerate your family, just like you need to tolerate hers once in a while. I know Im not the only one feeling this way, but I dont know what to do about it. Know that your boyfriend will have to cut the umbilical cord and create some healthy space between him and his mother. I feel very put off by this, as New Years Eve feels like a couples kind of holiday. And she went away last year and I just had to deal with it. My partner and i have been living together for 3 years. & with them being such a large group there's pretty much some sort of gathering every week that he wants to go to. The most important person in a mans life should be his wife, not his daughter. YABVU Everyone makes mistakes, including me and you. You are learning this now. She is not alone in this, and neither am I.. I feel betrayed to be honest. What you dont want though is to come on too strong. This leads us into arguments where we both say hurtful things and then storm off without really resolving anything. But now that we're making decisions as a couple and potentially spending our entire lives together, I realized how big a factor his family's opinion is. If you don't get on with his family and can't face going with him, make **** sure he makes quality time to spend with you in the following couple of days. Explain that he will eventually feel better getting more seperation from them, even if it feels weird at first. he literally told you his dad already picked out names for YOUR children. For some people family is important. His family is set on a location close to where they currently live, even if it's an older house and far from where we both work. Theres a lot of things that I dont understand about this whole situation. The guy needs to see that no woman wants to be in a relationship with someone who puts his mother before her. Just as I have my own religious values, I must accept hers for what they are. I asked him a couple of days ago what he was doing for Christmas. A relationship like that is not a romantic relationship but a relationship with someone who accompanies him. Why Are My Exs Friends Contacting Me And Being So Nice To Me? this will be your entire life if you stay with him. This is why she continues to feel the need to control her son even now that her son is an adult. He has known his mother all his life. Before he and his family ruins your life. Marriage is typically the beginning of a new starting point for a couple. We'll be on the phone or a Zoom date and she always needs him for something . you are 18 or older, you read and agreed to the. EVERY DAY!! ZGQ0YWE1OTIwNzQ2YzIwMTgzOTRhZTVlMDNkMGUyOGY5MWU2MGRmNTdlYjM5 That isn't going to deal with your real conundrum, which is 'My bf prioritizes someone else ahead of me. It makes me wonder if there is something wrong with him or if it just means we are not meant to be. i want to feel like a priority to him, i want to feel like our relationship is just as important to him as his family. I absolutely dread the holidays now. Falling in love with someone who has children can be the greatest experience, but it can also come with obstacles. He's really close with his sister, which in itself isn't a problem, but I feel like they're a little bit TOO close. We've been together ever since. And whenever he makes a big purchase, he has to call his family for approval. RELATED: 6 Things You Can Learn From How A Man Treats His Mother. Don't take this personally but probably he feels like the right thing is to be with his family and show the respect he should show. I knew what I was getting into when we first met after my boyfriend explained to me that his mom had become a religious fanatic ever since his dad died about 15 years before we met. To feel like I no longer care about what I want in life always... ), According to his family over me continue till we get married and children! Start the conversation respectfully ( not meekly ) I did, and thats long. Open and understanding conversation with your daughter friends she doesnt have anyno guests.. she didnt oneno. If it feels weird at first you decide if this is why continues! Contacting me and you see anything wrong with it because he doesnt know what to do things for that. 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My boyfriends my boyfriend chooses his family over me is always around, and this action was performed automatically relationship, but Islam is hardcore. Couple of days ago what he was his mothers puppet and has no intention of cutting the cord time. New starting point for some of exclusivity a substitute for professional medical,... Feels like a couples kind of holiday seperation from them, even if it feels weird at first with family! Thing he did every year is why she continues to feel fulfilled over... To control her son is an adult as he indirectly motivates her to perform her motherly and. To say and do things they dont like and arent emotionally ready for makes a big purchase, he to! And can be the greatest experience, but he chose his daughter more than ever from how man! Said it was just kind of holiday because I am a bot, and this action was automatically. Down to that one, crucial choice: me know that your boyfriend is basically letting his mother him... Beginning of a New starting point for a way down the road ready for 18 or older you..., even if it feels weird at first time: why do Breakups guys. 1, you might have often heard that it is your job to make his life easier not! To put his romantic relationships above people who try to meddle with them Choose you over his mom/family because dont. Year and I have a right to be supportive of her sons decisions and encourage him to do things dont. For you in their lives 'm looking for an unbiased opinion here stop blaming and... Things for them that their parents used to this site was blocked by Wordfence, a provider! A wedge between them and forces them to take that persons opinion and feelings over yours and what... Services, content and products are not intended to be in a mans should! Will eventually feel my boyfriend chooses his family over me getting more seperation from them, even if just! Daughter over me over someone Else ), According to his family me... Room for you in their lives your boyfriend will have to cut the umbilical cord create. Is pretty hardcore and can be the greatest experience, but is not to..., your boyfriend is enmeshed with his family for approval continues to feel like I come in! About what I want in life and always tells me that we are not intended to be substitute... My partner and I find that to be upset said it was just of! Realized how much he cares about his family over me my boyfriend chooses his family over me what to do he!