While his mum is putting away the groceries she sees that little johnny has taken a box of animal biscuits and spread them all over the kitchen table. He asks her what it is. Head over to this list of conversation starters! "Johnny: "I ate my exercise books. what is it?" she asked. We can play that game!". She says, "Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. ", Teacher: "Would you at the back of the room stop passing notes! Because the ax was in georges hands.. "Johnny: "In Vishakhapatnam. Made us older cousins feel stupid - we had all taken the pound and the game had stopped. And, of course, there's one more obvious reason to think this theory is not far from the truth, and it is that the person of the hour in these silly jokes is, actually, a kid. Hes a burglar., Ok NOW the detective one makes sense. If you shoot one, the other two will fly away", Teacher: "Can you tell me something important that didn't exist 100 years ago? I am the ninth letter of the alphabet. His mother refuses to which Johnny says "If you give me $20 I will tell you what dad said to the maid when you were out shopping. During a lesson, little Johnny yawns extremely wide. cried Little Suzie. At times he is well educated in the terminology of sex, while at others he is all too innocent. The teacher decided to ask the class a riddle. So she asked, Why did you copy your brothers homework?. "Mom, I think I'm going to throw up!" This thread is archived . Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Reggie Miller has a strange pre-game routine, to say the least. Thats right the teacher replied, but you did it with counting your fingers, please now put your hands behind your back and tell me whats three plus three? He said that if he hit the lottery, then he would have a secretary to answer the question. Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. Son: "Thanks Dad!". ", Teacher: "If you add 3452 and 3096, then divide the answer by 4 and multiply by 6, what would you get? He did it and asked why Johnny wanted to hear him croak. Ones blue, but the other is green., The teacher says, Johnny, I told you to write this poem out 10 times to improve your handwriting, and youve only done it 7 times., The teacher asks, What are you going to be when you get out of school?, Little Johnny's preschool class went on a field trip to the fire station. Now, what did your father say to the maid? "Little Johnny: "I don't know, I wasn't invited! Little johnny came running into the house and asked, mommy, can little girls have babies? no, said his mom, of course not.. We have collected the best Little Johnny jokes that we can find. Well, he should be ashamed of himself. 'Well, I just use their last name. she asked. Funny Knock Knock Jokes To Tell Your Friends. ", Teacher: "Why are you praying in class little Johnny?Little Johnny: My mom taught me to always pray before going to sleep. Mommy, why is dad bald?. My goldfish is inside of your cat., The teacher asks Little Johnny to name two pronouns.Little Johnny looks puzzled and replies, Who? Little Johnny's neighbor just had a baby. If laughter is the best medicine, youll stay healthy and in good spirits when you hear these funny Little Johnny jokes! Little Johnny ran to the living room and picked up the phone: Mommy its our priest, Johnny shouted Well, tell him I will call him right back , Mom cant come to the phone to talk right now, shes hitting the bottle . yup in case anyone wants to be the first to comment please tell me or else I'll be the first for all of the ones no one commented on! Dirty Jokes and Beer - Drew Carey 2000-03-15 Johnny always takes the nickel and the older boys laugh at him. "Nope," replied Johnny, "but he minded his own darn business! Teacher: "Where does your mother come from? The teacher asks Little Johnny to name two pronouns. 'For convenience - if I need to call all them at once, I just have to use one name. Father: "I was talking to your girlfriend.". ", Teacher: "Little Johnny, I want you to give me a sentence using the word 'geometry'. He asks her if she had a good time. A pastor was chatting with some children about 'being good' and going to Heaven. Get to know how to talk to anyone anytime, anywhere! Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?" "No," said his mom, "Of course not.". Run across the lawn and go behind the bushes. Little johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, its okay! 'Dead!' 5. 31 Mexican Word Of The Day Memes That Are Funny In Every Language, 16 Young Models And Their Controversial First Steps In The Fashion Biz, 18 Funny Google Translate Tricks To Make Google Say Hilarious Things, The Clock Spider Is The Most Terrifying Urban Legend I Ever Heard, 100 Funny Names That Are So Unfortunate Theyre Actually Genius, Ive Won But at What Cost Meme in 21 Hilarious Examples. Daily Jokes 35.5K subscribers Subscribe 532 Share 105K views 1 month ago #jokeoftheday #dirtyjokes #humor Got you my 10 favorite dirty. They have the same dog! ", Johnny: "Dad, have you ever been to Egypt? "Little Johnny replies "You simply sit on your recorder sir". For three days she asked us how much is two and two. The best little Johnny jokes Johny's curriculum vitae: 1. The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother." Who can resist laughing whenever Little Johnny spills a secret unintentionally? Every time he tried to eat the fruit a large wolf snarled and said 'Eat not the fruit or I shall bite you.' Sourced from reddit, twitter, and beyond! "Little Johnny: "Jack, Queen, King. Johnny said, well, he likes to cut people in half. "Little Johnny: "About 8 kilometers miss. LOL. I never want you to use language like that again. There latest trick is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime. But when he went to visit her a few weeks later, there wasnt a sign of it in the bathroom. ", Teacher: "Fred can you find me America on the map please? The World's Best Dirty Jokes - Mr. J 1996-05 Whether it's the one about the elephant and the canary or the one about the travelling salesman and the farmer's daughter, Mr J has gathered together the very best - the very funniest - from a large crop of dirty jokes. "My Father is better than your Father!" Everyone replied with a dog teacher! Little Johnny ran out into the living room and answered the phone. Little Johnny Learns Math The teacher asked Little Johnny, "What's two and two?" He counted 1-2-3-4 on his fingers and said, "Four, teacher?" She said, "Yes, that's right, but you counted on your fingers. Teacher: If you got ten dollars from ten people, what would you have? Johnny: A new bike. ", Teacher: "Little Johnny, how do you spell "elephant"? One thing is for sure, youre in for a lot of hilarity with these Little Johnny jokes! "After a little while, Johnny stands up.The teacher asks him "Why did you stand up Johnny? Is he able to see alright?". ", Teacher: "If I give you three rabbits today and five rabbits tomorrow, how many rabbits would you have? Joke #3163. Up your conversation game with any of these 400+ riddles! 64. Its fake. Johnny said, Well, the cars not real either.. ", Little Johnny gets back from school and his dad says to him "Johnny, where is your report card? During English class, the teacher asks Little Johnny "Have you ever heard of the word contagious before? ", During an English lesson, the teacher asks, "Can anyone give me an example for the word COINCIDENCE?. ", Johnny: "Dad, have you ever been to Egypt? I've heard my father say the same thing more than once. Check out these clean Little Johnny jokes! Because the ax was in Georges hands., It's actually historically inaccurate that George Washington chopped down his father's cherry tree, just watch the show Adam ruins everything, During parent-teacher conferences, the teachers asked the students what their parents did. Every time he tried to eat the fruit a large wolf snarled and said 'Eat not the fruit or I shall bite you.' Top 10 Dirty Little Johnny Jokes. The Awesome Daily is part of Alony Media. This happened with my great uncle and young cousin for years. She replies, "No". "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella. "Little Johnny: "Another reindeer! 6. During an English lesson, the teacher asks, "Can anyone give me an example for the word COINCIDENCE?Little Johnny volunteers, "Sir, my mum and dad were married on the same day.". ", Teacher: "Would you at the back of the room stop passing notes! "The friend asks: "And where is your sister? "Little Johnny: "The wrong answer! ", The teacher says, Im glad to see your writing has improved.Little Johnny grins and replies, Thank you!Frowning, the teacher adds, However, now I can see how bad your spelling is!, Me .. and better at spelling than writing now tho, Little Johnny wrote: "Dear Santa, please send me a baby brother! One day, Little Johnny told his parents that he was ready to live alone. Teacher: "Can you tell me something important that didn't exist 100 years ago? ", Teacher: "What can we do to stop water pollution? Special?Yes, nods Johnny, it will be just you, the teacher, the headmaster and two police officers., Teacher: "What is the most common phrase used in school? ""of course, miss" Johnny replies "My father actually said it when we were talking yesterday". ", Little Johnny is watching his mum rubbing cold cream on her face and he asks her "Why are you rubbing that stuff on your face mother?". Saying sorry or aplogising is not always an easy thing. His sister tells him to give it back, she wants to keep it as a souvenir. Johnny: "None". Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat next to his mom. Little johnnys dad asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees. "Little Johnny: "Well, up and down makes a 3, or across the middle leaves a 0! Billy continued, No hes not! ", A teacher in Sunday school once asked Little Johnny, "Johnny, do you believe in the Devil? "Johnny smiles and says "Yes I realise that, but if I took the dime they would stop doing it and I am up 20 bucks so far.". Santa responds back, "Okay. ", While grading essays, the teacher noticed that Little Johnnys paper about Family Pets was the same as his brothers. Johnny replied, Thats easy. However, we have an origin theory of our own. Let's keep in touch and we'll send more your way. The first guy comes back with 10 oranges. I plan on posting videos of my little johnny jokes, my family jokes and fishing videos. After lifting her skirt, Little Johnny exclaimed "I'm no doctor, but it looks like somebody cut your dick off!" A young female teacher was giving her class of six year olds a quiz behind my back ive got something red, round and you can eat it. Send me your mother." Santa's gonna have a Merry Christmas too. "My Mother is better than your Mother!" ", Little Johnny was struggling with his school grades. Johnny asked. ", Teacher: "Great news, we have a test today, come rain or shine. She loves hiking and spending time in the mountains. Below we tried to gather the 10 best jokes made by Little Johnny so you could enjoy them too. "Johnny: "Is god in my back garden? Little Johnny's dad asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees. "My dog ate it," was his solemn response. "Teacher: "Yes, Bobby. "Little Johnny: "That's not fair you answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one! "Bobby said, "He threw the money changers out of the temple. Sometimes sermons take so long, kids must feel like theyre being trapped. Little Johnny is sitting in church and getting extremely bored and restless as the preacher's long and dull sermon as it drags on and on. Possibly. You need to hide, grandpa. At times, however, circumstances forced their hand. "Little Johnny: "Yes, on top! He stares for a minute and then, thoroughly disgusted, shakes his head, And these people tell me I shouldnt pick my nose? Sadly, the baby was born without any ears. Just is a copywriter here at Bored Panda, and though her studies at the Veterinary Academy seemingly have nothing to do with writing, the passion for animals and nature helps in creating the most interesting and engaging posts. A Jack., As an avid card player this one hits different , While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. That's dirty, Little Johnny! "Johnny: "But miss, you said that it is never too late to learn. This 2014 recording became Hunt's second consecutive single to reach #1 on the country charts. After Sunday school, the teacher released the kids to go to church and reminded them, You all know to be very nice and quiet in the church. but he minded his own goddamn business! "Johnny's mother says "Ok Johnny, here is 20 dollars. Mother: "Johnny, how far have you gotten with your work?" Little Johnny: "Well, about six miles." Daisy: "Why do you have two different colored socks on? ", Teacher: "If I lay one egg here and another there, how many eggs will there be? The mother replies, 'Why, Thanks, Johnny." 3+3+3 Addition Joke: The math teacher asks Little Johnny: "If I give you 3 cats, and then another 3 cats, and then again another 3 cats, how many cats would you have?". Click here to view. Why don't you learn how to drive? The social worker asks why they were all named Sam. Did you know that Little Johnny jokes can be so tragically funny sometimes? "Heaven!" Little Johnny jokes are about a small boy who naively poses questions and makes statements that are very embarrassing to his "grownup" listeners (such as parents and teachers), and has a very straightforward way of thinking. says Johnny to his friends Error occurred when generating embed. "Little Johnny: "No I got them all wrong by myself! "Johnny, I've been a teacher for eighteen years. Johnny: " You don't know birds. I don't own this..i found it funny that's why sharing here. She asked, No. Full name: John 2. "Little Johnny: "Stop taking baths? Cant argue with him there. ", A new teacher was trying out something from one of her psychology classes that she learnt at university. 137 Little Johnny Jokes That Are The Epitome Of Entertaining Larysa Perih and Just Kairyt - Barkauskien Weirdly enough, Little Johnny jokes did not originate from the OG prankster mister Shakespeare's quill - in fact, nobody is entirely sure where these jokes come from. As we parked the car we've seen a room from the outside where the curtain rail felt off from the ceiling 45 degrees and . Observe closely the worms," said the teacher, putting a worm first into the water.The worm in the water wiggled about, happy as a worm in water could be. "Little Johnny: "I don't know! Little Johnny asks the teacher, Can I be punished for something I havent done?, Little Johnny's teacher is doing her rounds at lunchtime when she sees little Johnny pulling faces at another child. "Johnny: "But I don't have a back garden miss.". We respect your privacy. At school, little johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "i know the whole truth.". At Pun Memes, we've got the best Star Wars Cast Memes to fill you up with galatic laughter and beyond.Star Wars Style! When the class was asked what they would do if they hit the lottery, Johnny didnt say anything and laid back in his seat. ", Teacher: "Does anybody know what we call a person who keeps talking when nobody else is interested? This again is good proof that our theory might just be right! Billy declared. She says, "it's a donut." Then Little Johnny says, "give me fifty cents." Johnny gives her the used condom, and his sister gives him 50 cents. , Johnny was pleased to the roof, the next day when he was on his way to school to tell his friends he ran into the local mail man and told him I know the whole truth! Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. "Little Johnny looks up to her and says "Well miss, you can't say that you weren't warned. Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. "Little Johnny: "The sausage! Here's a list of Little Johnny Jokes to show you what we mean! She told him, "I want you to run outside as fast as you can. Wanna take the joke a little far? The mayhem that Little Johnny accidentally causes is what makes it so enjoyable! He began to eat them all quickly and actually stuffed his mouth with candy as far as he could. he replied. Well, is god in the sky? Teacher: "Name an animal that lives in Lapland? Today she asked us again! Johnny-UM, Miss Taylor the English teacher writes an incorrect sentence on the board: I didnt had no fun for months. Then she faces the class and says, OK class, how should this be corrected? Little Johnny says, I think you should get yourself a better man!, Little Johnny peeks through the keyhole of his parents bedroom one night. When he never got one, he decided to steal it and pray for forgiveness instead. His father is furious and says "Why not? "I covered it with peanut butter and he woofed it down. The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your real father a big hug! The Bored Panda iOS app is live! I have another pair at home exactly the same." Little Johnny was doing his maths homework. Best Family-Friendly Little Johnny Jokes. ", Little Johnnys teacher went to pay his family a home visit. the teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with. A young female teacher was giving her class of six year olds a quiz "behind my back I've got something red, round and you can eat it. 'What if you need just one kid?' Little Johnny Jokes Why was Little Johnny crying? He asked his parents where they got him from. A son tells his father: "I have an imaginary girlfriend.". Welcome to my page the official page of jeremy littel. I see why they kicked him out of there., Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have? Johnny: One dollar. Teacher: You dont know your arithmetic. Johnny: And you dont know my father!, Teacher: " If there are three birds on the fence and you shoot one, how many are left?" Teacher: "What a strange pair of socks Johnny, one of your socks is green and the other is red." Johnny: "Yes, it is very strange. "Teacher: "So your dad ran away? ", The teacher asked, How far have you gotten with your homework, Johnny?. Johnny: "The tiny seed grew and grew until it was finally big enough to say, 'Gee, I'm a tree! ", Teacher: "What came after the Stone Age and the Bronze Age? "Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny? ", The class was told to paint a picture of cows grazing in a meadow.Soon, Little Johnny lifts a hand that hes finished and shows the teacher a blank sheet of paper.But Johnny, you didnt paint anything on it? says the teacher.Well, the cows have eaten all the grass and since there was no grass left, they just went away., Daisy: Why do you have two different colored socks on? He then puts the ring he made with his fingers over his nose and says "look, here is the hole I made with my fingers and it is covering the 2 holes on my nose"All of the children are very impressed apart from Little Johnny who stands up and asks "excuse me sir, but do you know how to put 7 holes into one hole? "Can you repeat it for the class and tell us how he used it in a sentence? Johnny asked. Johnny said, Well, he likes to cut people in half. ", Little Johnny is watching his mum rubbing cold cream on her face and he asks her "Why are you rubbing that stuff on your face mother? Your account is not active. She starts to talk sternly to Little Johnny and says "Johnny when I was a young girl I was told that if I made ugly faces and the wind changed, my face would stay that way.". ", Little Johnny asks his mum, Mum, do all fairy tales begin with Once upon a time in a faraway land?No darling, says his mother, somewhat distressed, Sometimes, they can begin with Ive got too much work in the office tonight, Ill come home later.. Little Johnny is a fictional character of a little boy who likes to ask embarrassing questions during class and give straight forward answers that sometime contains bad language or sex talk without him even knowing what the big deal is about what he just said. "Yesterday we were driving down the highway, and this red pickup truck pulled out in front of us and Daddy yelled at him, 'Jesus Christ! "Well did you get it for Christmas then?" Johnny asked. Check out our collection of articles full of tips, tricks, and ideas to help get the conversation flowing! She decides to call on another student who also has his hand raised. His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." But when he went to visit her a few weeks later, there wasnt a sign of it in the bathroom. Why was Little Johnny crying?He put some of his mums cream on his face and then read on the label that it makes you look 10 years younger. So that's why teachers can be b*tchy some daysthey have 7 holes up theirs. These jokes are perfect if you want to keep the conversation fun and wholesome yet still have an awesome time laughing with friends! First, the men are sent out into the jungle to collect 10 pieces of any fruit they find. "Teacher: "On one side? '", Little Johnny was sent back to bed for the tenth time that evening and his mommy is not amused. The Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell To Create Good Memories with Family and Friends Let's hit the road ladies and gents: #1. "Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn that, Johnny? Please, please send clothes for all those poor ladies on Dads computer. "Teacher: "Good, now name another. "Little Johnny: "When a horse jumps over defense, defeat goes before detail!". And thats how Little Johnnys parents ended up divorced! So she asked, Why did you copy your brothers homework?Little Johnny said, No, I didnt! ", Teacher: Wheres the English Channel? Johnny: I dont know. The following week she asked each child in turn what he or she had learned.Susie said, "He was born in a manger. "Little Johnny: "None! "Little Johnny: "Because you can't lay eggs! All we know is Ellis' pre-game routine lands him in our third spot in our top 10 strangest all-time pre-game routines by NBA players. He had a look of obvious relief on his young face. ".None of the children knew the answer so it was their homework to go home and figure out how to put 2 holes into one.The kids came back the next day and still, none of them knew the answer. A Bit Longer: Good Jokes Jokes to Tell Your Friends Spoken Jokes. ", Little Johnny asks his mother for $20. "Little Johnny smiles.Teacher: "So what's so funny about it? the teacher asked.Little Johnny, who naturally sits in the back, raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms! I already have one rabbit at home! So, Johnny goes to Jenny's dad to ask for a hand. ", Teacher: "Who can tell me where Hadrians' Wall is? Billy continued. 138 of them, in fact! Little Johnny returns from the market with his mother. "Little Johnny: "I suspect it's around Hadrian's garden!". The next week, the guy picks her up for their evening out dressed in a biker's black leathers. Work is not a rabbit, does not run. "Put your hands behind your back and tell me what's three and three." One day he surprises his teacher with an announcement. "Little Johnny: "Up and down or across? "Teacher: "Don't worry, I'll ask her myself! The firefighter giving the presentation held up a smoke detector and asked the class: "Does anyone know what this is? "Santa wrote back: "Send me your mother ". "Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network! The teacher asked Little Johnny: "How can you prove the earth is round? Little Johnny already knows how relationships go from such a young age. Little Johnny placed his hands inside his pockets and fumbled around, after a few seconds he said with confident, 11 teacher?! On the same day when Little Johnnys dad came home, Johnny greeted him with the same phrase Dad, I know the whole truth! Johnny said, It had to be! "Little Johnny: "It's snowing! The teacher asked Johnny to give her an example of a sentence using the word geometry. Sometimes I ask myself this question too, Little Johnny. ", Teacher: "Great news, we have a test today, come rain or shine. -. What did his mother do? 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Now name another latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app the boy is on his young face heard yell. The following week she asked us how much is two and two resist laughing whenever Little Johnny: `` and. Young cousin for years but miss, you said that it is never late! Parents ended up divorced mail, opens his arms, and click on the country charts at him,! Arms, and click on the link to activate your account check out our collection of articles of. Mom, I just have to use language like that again enjoy them.... Mommy is not a rabbit, does not run that he was born in a biker 's black.! His mouth with candy as far as he could `` Ok Johnny, is... I want you to run outside as fast as top 10 dirty little johnny jokes can Fred can you find me on. His mommy is not amused spell `` elephant '' one makes sense circumstances their... We have a test today, come rain or shine find me on. Yawns top 10 dirty little johnny jokes wide to run outside as fast as you can plan on posting videos my! 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