I really like going on dates and spending time with just you on Saturday and exploring the city, parton_doll Do people really just walk around with their heads in the sand all day? But are they really guilting the boyfriend? I consider myself to have a pretty close relationship with my own family, but they live in another state, and I really dont require seeing them more than once every 6 weeks or even being in touch more than every couple of days. Not we have to stay home the whole weekend, but how about we visit your parents on Saturday afternoon and then go have dinner and see a movie Saturday night. Ive put my head in the sand in relationships as well before. If its something that you just cant some to terms with, than it may just be an incompatibility that you two cant overcome. If you split everything while dating, I dont think it is wrong to assume that you will continue doing so once you move in together. But if throughout dating you looked for all those little signs and clues that led you to believe that you are on the same page, I do not see the need for an official information session, or why it is wrong to assume that things will just continue as they are. January 20, 2012, 9:53 am. At the same time, I know Ive put off talking about finances WAY longer than three weeks before (yeah, yeah, I know, bad), so that doesnt seem like a huge problem to me either. A day at the lake or beach or some body of water? Like, I just went to The Niagara falls of Pennsylvania it was no Niagara but a nice day trip. She kept trying to change it and regularly fights with him about it. She simply doesnt have to be at the parents place with her boyfriend that often. ), you also like using your weekends to relax and enjoy the city in a way you dont get a chance to do during the busy week. LW, what everyone else said. That way your BF gets to see his parents, and you arent having to schlep back and forth. Same way he knows about how I feel about abortion, politics, etc. It could be because some people purposely hide some of their not exactly good habits, or because you may never have an opportunity to see the less obvious habits. So, she will either have to accept that this is how they are, or leave. The pursuer (usually the guy, but not always) realizes that he has gotten the person he wanted, and stops feeling the need to woo herie frequent well-thought-out dates, sweet romantic gestures in the middle of the day, unprompted soliloquizing on how much you mean to him, etc. Er, the mom will find a reason drop by the LWs place. . January 20, 2012, 2:50 pm. January 20, 2012, 9:10 am. Lets find out why he behaves like that and offer tips on what you should do. But according to the LW, they dont have anything else to do.. Well, thats separate problem. how do we divide furniture? Theyre lovely people, but I cant seem to get my boyfriend to understand that I dont want to spend weekend nights at their place more often than maybe once a month, even if we dont have anything else planned. January 4, 2021, 3:41 am. Im curious to know where the boyfriend lived before he moved in with the LW. He was this way through their entire dating, engagement, and now marriage. Summer and fall is half the year. Granted I dont live at home so definitely value all the time I get there, but some people just are more comfortable/prefer being around their family. This too. Who keeps the dog? Spare yourself and him a relationship that makes you both resentful. Or is that the LWs perception because she wants to be home? On one side you get the parents who reinforce their power and superior knowledge over and over again by holding their adult children in the nest, on the other side you get an individual who rather depend on the parents because by the time they are adults its just much easier and normal for them to continue letting mommy and daddy do all the hard thinking for them. That it wouldnt be that big of a deal if the LW and the bf went out a couple of times to visit his parents together and if he went out a time or two on his own. but no one thought anything of it if someone had other plans or didnt come for a few weeks. some of my siblings and their significant others would come only for lunch and head out, sometimes theyd stay longer, etc etc. This boyfriend seems like one of those people whose default is go home. I bet when he lived at home he barely left the house. As your history with him has shown, he likes spending his weekends with you. Gah what is that. Dysfunctional that he wants to spend time (a lot, Ill give you that) with his family? It sounds codependent to me. But what Im truly wondering is if this difference in opinion over how to spend the weekends is reflective of other big differences between you two that you didnt have time to learn before you moved in together. This is especially important ifhis parents dont respect boundaries. He told you hedoesnt want to spend Christmas with your family. Theres no need for anyone to take offense if others would have an opinion that something that pertains to you is abnormal. If he wants to spend time with their family, perhaps you can go with him when he visits. That an entire day together isnt enough? There is so, so much you can do with your boyfriend LW! They arent her parents. As was said before, while you are dating you should be attempting to find out as much info as possible. Laura Hope, I totally agree with you. Instead of alienating him, encourage him.You should be overjoyed that your boyfriend has a social life and isn't attached to you like a leech. Your problem is thinking you can change him. Years later, theyve never recovered. I lived in his hometown and so did his parents. Doing that every week seriously compromises a relationship with a partner who is not ok with that set-up. Yeah, they moved in together after only 3 months. He spends 80% of his free time with his parents AND they guilt them when they leave after an entire day AND they show up Sunday morning before he leaves. WebGo to counseling with your husband. Its really hard taking care of yourself after a divorce, if you dont have a good career or come from a wealthy family. One thing you can try before just accepting things as they are or moving on already is to start scheduling activities and day trips on the weekends that your boyfriend is home. Firstly, it will be different for every couple, and secondly, some things you will never find out no matter how long you are dating until you move in together and go to sleep and wake up with each other every single day.. At the center, authority figures in a power position, you typically have parents or other guardians. Come on, BGM! Maybe a couple times a week for dinner. Even if they stay together and even if she manages to persuade her boyfriend to spend less time with his parents, the parents are going to resent the LW for it. Besides, the whole point of living in NYC is so you dont have to rely on Metro North to get int to the city on the weekends amirite!? Ooo, I might try that out this summer, that looks fun! Other than the timeline (which could be a typo), Im confused about something else. Moving in together means necessarily co-mingling certain parts of your lives. Tell him that you feel neglected and that it hurts that you never spend weekends together. For the LWs boyfriend, perhaps hes someone who enjoys being homebound, and after only three weeks, the new place doesnt feel like home yet. A conversation like that could end up being a red flag for HIM that you did not intend. Alone time doesnt have to be at home (even if its sex wink wink), and if youre not there, they cant drop by! . GatorGirl I think a lot of people on here are offering her good suggestions to try and help her with her boyfriend and to get him to spend less time with his family and more time hanging out with her. When we decided it was serious, he introduced me to his mom one weekend, and I introduced him to my parents the next. Just want to put my two cents in: I think its all about communicating. If they had more time during the week to spend together after work, maybe spending most of the weekend with the in-laws wouldnt be such an issue. Should I Ask Out My Hot Massage Therapist?, When Do You Know Its Time to Break Up With Someone?, My Daughter is Trying to Ruin My Relationship. That was a reply to LBHFor some reason, it is not posting in the correct thread, lets_be_honest Tests are incredibly unfair to your partner, because they deserve a chance to hear what you really want and you deserve a chance to hear what they want. New readers, welcome to Dear Wendy, a relationship advice blog. Thats why the weekend is an extra time to do everything you didnt get to on weekdays. Also, let him know that the paying for tickets to the suburbs is expensive for you, so ask if he would be willing to limit the number of times that you go to visit his parents (say once a month). Finally, I would pacify your BF by saying that once a month the parents should come to the city and visit you. So LW, if you dont like it, I think you should MOA. We live down the street from my boyfriends parents and hes always at there house on his days off. Like, it didnt even cross their mind to get out. My dads side of the family is like this- I have an uncle and aunt who spend every day at my grandparents for at least a few hours. Declining to go really shouldnt require an explanation, but if he really needs one just say its a combination of the expense, that youve seen them more often than your own parents, and that you simply have other things you want to do this weekend. Candance Owens told Tucker Carlson on Tuesday the final battle with the left is the war against sanity during an interview about President Biden's age and Sen. John Fetterman's mental issues. June 18, 2014, 10:47 am. Its not annoying for either one of them, because they have both communicated that its something they like to do. Over time, the wife found living so close to her in-laws stifling, contributing to the divorce. December 6, 2022, 12:17 pm. You are certainly not happy when unannounced visitors visit you, and you have a lot of work to do. January 20, 2012, 9:37 am. I am afraid for humanity. January 20, 2012, 11:08 am. Of course that was hard to maintain, so we had to work out what worked for us. right! I have to say, I kind of feel like LW jumped the gun on this one. You dont need to spend every weekend or every day with your boyfriend. Lemongrass I swear, learning how to deal with my aunt (whos a little over the top with this) was a huge victory. Then, he needs to ask her, calmly and without accusation, why she prefers to spend her weekends with her January 20, 2012, 11:10 am. but, i mean my husband and i just talked about it. Which wouldnt have happened before since she maybe didnt realize how much he wanted to/did see his family. You guys share a toilet, you can afford some alone time one weekend a month. SpaceySteph If he goes to see his parents every single weekend while his gf, who has made it clear she will only go with him once a month, stays home, he is essentially choosing them over. June 18, 2014, 10:26 am. 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